No Love Loss For Cyberbullies

I promised last week that I was doing some research into Cyberbullying after Melissa McCarthy made the comment that “Cyberbullies needed someone to show them some love”.  I disagreed with this comment when it was made, but after just a very little research, I completely disagree with it.

Cyberbullying:  the use of electronic communication to bully a person,                                                               typically by sending messages of an intimidating                                                                           or threatening nature.

I would be the first one to say everyone needs love and someone to make them happy, but cyberbullies are not looking for that when they go seeking their victims.  Cyberbullies are looking for the weakest of the weak.  For that reason alone, I don’t think it would matter if there was someone to show them love, they wouldn’t feel the love that is shown.  As for being happy, I don’t think they are happy and they don’t want anyone else to be happy either.

I might need to say here, Melissa McCarthy is a very educated woman.  She is educated in Fashion, film, and Production.  She is not a Psychiatrist, counselor, or doctor (and she would probably say “thank god” if she read this).  I am not a very educated person in those either, however, when I want to know answers, I research as I have this subject.  I am always asking questions.  I always want to know more than what I already know.  For example, this will not be the last blog about Cyberbullying.  I think it may be a series because there are so many tributaries to it and I want to be sure I explore all of them.  I have a meeting scheduled with the Douglas County Coroner about the suicides associated with cyberbullying.  McCarthy has me rawle’d and I am ready to explore this to the fullest.

I’m not upset because she may convince these people to give cyberbullies love, I am worried there might be more victims in the process of people trying to give these bullies love and happiness.  This type of bully isn’t what I dealt with when I was in school.   When I say they are looking for the weakest link, they truly are looking for the weakest of the weak.  They don’t want to mess with someone like me because I can care less what people say or think; they want to mess with people that are already dealing with depression on some level or have a low self-esteem.  If the person has both, even the better, they can drive that person to commit suicide.  So, here you will have these people that know what it is to feel bad and want to try to cheer someone else up and the end results could be devastating.

Now, I’m going to tell you what the crazy part of this whole argument is … I am upset about something that obviously won’t ever happen.  That’s right folks, there is no worries or fear at all that someone might try to show ANY cyberbully or electronic troll some love.

Internet Troll In internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on                                                            the internet by starting quarrels or upsetting people, by                                                              posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in                                                        an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat                                                            room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into                                                              an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal,                                                          on-topic discussion, often for the troll’s amusement.

Want to know why?  Because more and more the law is catching on to these cyberbullies and they are making laws against what they do.  A couple more upcoming appointment I have is with the Douglas County Georgia District Attorney and an Investigator with the Douglas County Georgia Sheriff’s Office.  They are going to share with me the various ways in which they hunt down cyberbullies (because of the anonymity attached to them) and the various crimes in which they are arrested for.  The problem with cyberbullies is that they are anonymous.  They want to be anonymous because they can say anything they want to say in the privacy of their own space and no one can find them, see them, or point them out.  So, for them to come out and tell you that they are a cyberbully and that they need your love and happiness is probably never going to happen … and if it did, I would watch out, that is probably another one of their tricks.

I could sit here and go on and on and on about all that I have learned this week, but I am going to cut it off at this point.  Next week I am going to bring another aspect of cyberbullying to you; but I am going to leave out any further reference to what Melissa McCarthy said because as I pointed out, being able to point out a cyberbully is nearly impossible.  To walk up and show a cyberbully or internet troll love is also impossible; not only because of the anonymity, but because of the psychosis they have going on.  They can’t feel anything: for or against someone or something.  They have no sympathy or apathy.  So, I will be dropping my McCarthy attack from this blog forward.

Again, thank you for taking the time to read this.  I can’t wait to talk to you more next week.

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Coming Up Next

I wanted to let my readers know, I haven’t forgotten about you this week.  I promised I would write something every week, I am trying to hold to that regardless of how much pressure I am under at the moment.  However, today’s entry isn’t really an entry yet.

I am writing to let you know that I am working on something that caught my fancy a couple days ago.  Melissa McCarthy, the comedian and actress, says that cyberbullies just need someone to love them.  As usual, this one little comment got my thoughts to spinning.  Is it possible that that is all a cyberbully wants and needs, is “someone to make them happy and let them know they are loved”.

Well, I will tell ya, I haven’t done much research into it at all so far and as much as I love McCarthy, I am going to have to disagree with her on this one.  I can’t wait to share this with you in the next couple days.

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NEWTOWN SHOOTING vs PARKLAND SHOOTING: Adam Lanza vs Nikolas Cruz

I don’t like to compare tragedies like these because I feel every experience deserves its own coverage without all the fluff of other stories.  However, I would like to talk about mental illness for a moment.  It always amazes me how mental illness is treated and how the sick respond to that treatment.

Nikolas Cruz went into a school in Parkland, Florida on Wednesday, February 14, 2018 and shot up a school that he used to attend.  He killed 17 and wounded 14 others.  He rode in an Uber to the school and went into the school; pulled the fire alarm so that the students would start rushing out into the hall; and started firing.  The Mayor of Broward County Florida said that Cruz was dealing with mental health issues, but he wouldn’t elaborate any further, except to say he received treatment and stopped.  The family he lived with was under the impression that the only issues he was dealing with was depression because he never showed any anger.  However, he had been in trouble at school on numerous occasions for fighting.

Adam Lanza went into a school where his mother worked in Newtown on December 14,2012 and killed 26 and wounded 2 (counting only students and staff … not counting his mother at home that he killed before leaving the house and his suicide after the shooting).  In the aftermath, they learned that Lanza suffered from Depression, Anxiety, Asperger’s syndrome, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (all of which are controllable with proper medication).

The problem in the nation today is not gun control … it is how we deal with mental illness.  Trump, right out of the gate on this last shooting starting preaching (every speech he gives sounds more like preaching to me) that it wasn’t guns, it was mental illness.  To a point, he is right, but what has he done to help this situation?  Obama would also speak about mental illness in the midst of tragedies such as this … again, what did he do about it?  Please understand, I am not saying we need more background checks on mental illness to purchase guns … as a matter of fact, I am not even referring to gun control or any aspect of it.  My focus is on mental illness and that solitary aspect of one’s life.

We all must deal with mental illness today.  We have war vets coming home with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder); we have family members and friends that are addicted to drugs and alcohol; and we have older loved ones being diagnosed with dementia.  It’s out there people and whether you admit you are dealing with it or not, you are … or you’re not, and in that case, you are one of the ones in the tragedies merely waiting for the next catastrophe.

Let me give you a small history lesson.  Mary Ann Todd Lincoln, wife to President Abraham Lincoln, suffered from a mental illness all her life that was diagnosed as a cerebral palsy after her death (but this was back between 1818-1882, medical knowledge wasn’t that advanced yet).  She was a very unpopular first lady; but I imagine that was because of the mental illness (which was really Cerebral Palsy) she suffered from.  People also probably shunned her because of her use of over the counter drugs that contained opioids and alcohol (which is a very common form of treating mental illness in the 19th century).  How quick people back then were to judge.

I have another one for you, what about Albert Einstein?  He was an absolutely genius … but everyone around him thought he was mental retarded.  He too was shunned (which is probably good, because he had plenty of time to come up with the theory of relativity and focus on philosophical science).

My point is this, they shunned Mary Ann Todd Lincoln in the 1800’s and they shunned Einstein in the early 1900’s.  Still today, in the 21st century, we are afraid to deal with people who are mentally ill.  It is almost like we are going to catch what is wrong with them if we get to close to them.  How we deal with them is so vitally important to the outcome.  Lincoln went on to marry a President.  Einstein went on to discover the Theory of Relativity.  What was the difference?  Could it be that they had more support than the mentally ill today?  Maybe the 18th and 19th Centuries weren’t “throw-a-way societies”, where everything and everyone is disposable.

Rosalyn Carter is the only First Lady that has every tried to get something done about mental illness while her husband, Jimmy Carter, was in office and beyond.  We need more people to stand up and change how we deal with them.  This is one part of the system that needs a major overhaul of reform.  We need more beds available.  We need the police to be willing to haul people to the hospital when a loved one calls the police and says, “Please take them to the hospital, they are sick, they need help”.  Instead, right now, if you call the police on a loved one that is acting “crazy”, most likely, that person will spend that night and possibly more in jail.  The police will charge them with unruly conduct or whatever; just to get them out of everyone’s way at that particular moment.  Why not take them to the hospital first and have a 10-13 done on them?  Why not find out what the problem is and search for a solution?  Because, that would take too long and no one has any time for that.

One thing I thought was interesting when comparing Newtown and Parkland, was how the shooter carried out his rampage.  Adam Lanza in Newtown started at home with his mother, the only person he lived with.  Nikolas Cruz started and finished at the school, and he saw everyone he lived with that day: his host Mom, host Dad, and host brother.  Lanza was in mental health treatment since he was a young child; whereas, Cruz only dabbled in mental health treatment.  Adam Lanza committed suicide after the attacks; whereas, Cruz was caught an hour later and confessed to the shootings.

Could it be, Lanza felt like his mother was judging him?  Were there things that she done or said to him that made him kill her first?  His mother worked at the school where the shooting took place, is it possible she showed more love and concern for those kids to Lanza, than her own son who needed her?  I’m not victim blaming, but I don’t think all crime is a crime of evil … sometimes, I think a person is pushed to their wits end and society as a whole must suffer the consequences.  Is it possible, that he wanted to save her from all the heartache of what he was about to do?  Unfortunately, we will never know, but there might be things we can carry away from this.

Nikolas Cruz went straight to the school to start shooting people.  Witnesses say that he kept asking people where his host brother was or had anyone seen him.  The law community believes that it was because he wanted to make sure he didn’t get caught up in the cross fire.  That is how much Cruz cared about the people that took him in when no one else could handle him.  What did they do differently?  Was it the fact that he felt accepted for who he was when he was at home?  He didn’t feel judged and was given free reign to feel the way he was feeling at any given time.  There has to be a difference here and I have to believe that that difference is what will prevent future catastrophes from happening.  Cruz stayed in trouble at school.  He was getting into fights and getting suspended and expelled.  The student body thought he was a “odd”.  In a lot of the news reports, you can see where someone in this environment might have felt judged … almost bullied.

Have we became a society that doesn’t have any time for anyone else? We don’t care how you are feeling today … “speak your business and please move politely to the left or right out of my way.”   How many more mass shootings, school shootings, will we have if this kind of attitude keeps up?  The song group 4HIM sings a song called, Back to The Basics Of Life.  In that song, they talk about getting back to God and getting closer to HIM.  Personally, I am agnostic, but I can see the message they have.  Years ago people didn’t fire guns unless they felt threatened or harmed.  Today, we live in a society where the only one we are concerned about is ourselves.  No one in life matters any more.  We have mothers walking through grocery stores with earphones in, music blasting, and a kid pulling on their pant leg trying to get their attention.  We have teens, and adults in some cases, that need someone to be there for them, and when they look around, there is no one there.  I am a tough person and I have said many times, I don’t need anyone … but what if one day I did.  Oh, I have plenty of people around me that would in a heartbeat be there for me … I really don’t know what I would be capable of doing if I felt all alone … and then judged for how I was feeling.  If you are honest with yourself, you too know what I am talking about.

It is all in how we make the mentally ill feel that could be all the difference.  For the ones that truly need help, we need to get them a hospital where they and people around them can be safe.  There are not enough beds for the mentally ill today … no funding to put them in those beds … and the ones that are available, are to expensive (let’s face it, not a lot of mentally ill people are able to work … why, because they feel judged … thus the phrase, “going postal”).  So, you sit there on your social media, on your phone to your congressmen and senators, and you just yell it from the roof tops if you want to that these guns are killing people … in the meantime, I will be sitting here on my social media, on my phone with my congressmen and senators, and yelling it from the roof tops we need reform.  Let’s see who gets what done first.  Most likely, to pacify your request they will make another small minute change to the gun control and within a very short few months, another catastrophe is bound to happen.  Why?  Because we will still have people treating people the wrong way and people feeling cornered with no where else to turn.  Whereas, if they were to pacify me and my rantings, we might squelch one attempt at a mass shooting by nipping it in the bud.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.  It has taken me longer to write this one than anything I have written so far, but then again, I feel very compassionate about this subject.

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SECRETS

Almost 11-years-ago, when I was addicted to Crack Cocaine, someone said something to me that has stuck with me through my recovery and to this day I don’t believe a wiser statement has ever been made.  They told me that addictions hide in our secrets.  The sad thing is, I have no idea who told me that or even in what context the comment was made.  The even sadder thing is, I don’t know if I was trying to get sober at the time or if it was said while I was in my addiction and I held on to it because I knew it was the way out.  Since I am pretty good with information and where it came from, I would have to believe that it was something said to me while I was in the heart of my addiction.

I have been sober for 10 ½ years now; and when I see someone struggling with addiction, I often want to run over to them and ask them what is it they are running from.  A couple times, I have come out and asked … and most of the time, the receiver looks at me as if to say, “What?” or “Who do you think you are?”.  What they don’t realize, even after I explain it to them, I know what I am talking about.

Other times, in fear of being rejected, I simply wonder to myself and never say anything to the person with the addictions.  When I get home or the next time I am alone, I often kick myself for at least not mentioning it, I mean, one thing I do know is that my rejection is not nearly as painful as their addiction.

I am reading the book Shattered Silence: The Untold Story of a Serial Killer’s Daughter by Melissa G. Moore.  In the preface of the book, she makes the statement:  you’re only as sick as your secrets.  I am sure there are plenty of situations out there that she finds herself wanting to tell people this little nugget of truth and I am sure during those times that she has, she has seen the same rejection I have with mine.

What are your secrets?  If you think about your secrets, they cause you to do something to keep them hidden.  What are those actions for you?  What will those actions lead to?  Maybe it isn’t the first actions that you are doing that is going to be the harmful one(s) … your initial actions might only be the “gateway” to the harmful one(s).  A lot of times, as was my case, the secrets were merely a matter of one’s perspective.  It was a standard that I held myself to and when I realized that others didn’t perceive me that way, I became lost.  I no longer knew who I was or if I was ever the person I thought I was.  I began to think, if I was never that person to begin with, then I have nowhere to return to … however, if I only got lost during the last few months, then how do I get back to it.

My self-perception wasn’t so much that I was perfect, but that I held myself to a higher standard because I didn’t want to be a failure.  I went through a court battle that made me realize that there were people that viewed me as a failure to some degree.  This perception by those few, that were in no way my family or friends, made me begin to hide parts of my life from my real family and friends so that they didn’t get the same perception.   I have always been a family person and I shared anything and everything with my family; but, slowly I began to withdraw from everyone.  It no longer mattered what others thought, so there was no reason to keep everyone in the loop.  One secret became another secret and before you know it, I met someone (who by the way, my family didn’t approve of) that wanted to introduce me to the really big secrets … the ones that lead to addictions.

There are a lot of “what-ifs” here that one could say was the cause for the addiction; I think it started with the secrets.  In my life, my family is my rock.  The first red flag to me should have been when I started hiding things from them.  I couldn’t let them know how I was feeling because that too could be a failure.  I couldn’t let them know who I was thinking about dating because that was a definite failure in the making.

I can tell you the very night that I first knew that I was headed for trouble and did nothing to stop it.  As I said earlier, I had started to date a guy that no one would approve of, but no one really knew about him at this point (I just knew what my family expected and what they didn’t), I didn’t see any reason to have that argument up until this point, so I never shared that with them.  Also, up to this point, he hasn’t introduced me to anything either (just thought I might need to add that).  I had this guy over at my house when my sister called me to babysit for her (another thing I did without question … and never said “no” to).  I was to go to her house and pick up her kids and bring them to my house.  Well, I had this guy at my house.  This guy was also in the dark, I didn’t need anybody thinking I couldn’t act like an adult and think like an adult when I am in my 30s.  I tell my sister that I was busy at that moment (which she never has in the past heard me say), but I would pick them up momentarily.  I then explain to this guy, that I must go get my sister’s kids.  I had to convince him to come with me because I didn’t trust anyone in my home without me present (sound familiar … another secret).  Everything was fine … I mean, he was good to her kids and we ate dinner like they always did when they came to my house … it was merely the fact that no one knew about the other because I didn’t need their opinions about how respectful or disrespectful I was of their opinions.  I laid in bed that night thinking about all the secrets.  They were driving me crazy already and that was only the first night of it.

One thing people don’t realize about a drug addiction, you’re not going to wake up the day after you stop using and be completely back to who you were before you started.  No, that takes a while … it takes a long while.  It would be better to not have to fight that battle to get back.  Be open with everyone.  Be honest and let people know who you are: what your fears are, what you feel, who you like and who you don’t.  I promise you, it probably doesn’t matter to them as much as it matters to you.  The young people today use the word “random” (ex.: “That was a random conversation”).  Today, I have a lot of random conversations with everyone I know.  If it comes to my mind, most likely, it is going to come out my mouth.

Some of you readers are probably sitting here and politely reading this blog and wondering, how on earth random secrets lead to an addiction.  Well, I am here to assure you, they do.  One way they do it, when we share a random thought with someone, most likely, they are going to share their opinion of that thought.  After hearing a lot of negative reviews of our remarks, we begin to shut down and that is the absolutely worst thing we can do.  Our thoughts and conversations are not going to be liked by everyone; but we must realize that doesn’t change who we are and what they mean to us.  What it does mean is that maybe we need to reassess ourselves and make sure we are in check.  Their feelings and opinions of us does keep us in check and that is what keeps us out of trouble.  So, my advice to you, the next time you have a decision to make about whether or not to keep something a secret … don’t.

Time To Deal With North Korea

I apologize for the long break in blog posts; I hope this one makes up for it.  In the news the past couple days has been Otto Warmbier; a college student that was enticed to go to North Korea “for an experience of a lifetime”.  That was a direct quote from his Dad that gave a statement to the news agencies on Thursday.  The parents are extremely upset at North Korea and our government for what happened to their son.

 

Warmbier went to North Korea because there was a travel agency that lures young adults to other countries and then they are mistreated.  As Otto Warmbier was boarding the plane to leave the country when the North Korean government apprehended him and charged him with the “war crime” of stealing a banner from a church.  He was sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for that crime.

Warmbier arrived home 3 days ago in a coma.  According to the North Korean government, Warbier went into this coma soon after being sentenced.  Not one time was he allowed to go home for medical reasons.  The government nor the penial institution would inform his family of his medical state.  His family found out last week the condition that he was in.  Warmbier has been in a coma for 15 months and no one bothered to inform the family.

Our government was telling the parents to “lay low” and “be quiet” because “we don’t want to upset the North Korean government.

Ok, I have a problem with this!!!  “LAY LOW” “BE QUIET” “DON’T UPSET NORTH KOREA”!!!  Really? If this was the only thing that North Korea was doing that might need addressing, then that would be one thing … but it isn’t.  It is time that the American Government and People start taking a stand and letting North Korea know that we are not going to tolerate any more of their shenanigans.

In 2017 alone, North Korea has shot off 16 missiles that we know of.  In 2016, the year that Warmbier was arrested and sentenced, they shot off 8 missiles.  Over and over again, if you Google it, the America has warned North Korea to stop setting off missiles and yet they keep doing it.  Warmbier was arrested in March 2016 and in August 2016 North Korea set of a missile that could have reached the US if they so wanted.  Could this be why Warmbier’s family needed to “LAY LOW” or “BE QUIET”?  Why was this necessary.  If we were making moves to turn this around and bring Warmbier home, then I could understand such actions.  However, I don’t think that was it at all.  I think they needed to be quiet because we were likely to get bombed by them.  I know, listen, my family and I live here too.  I don’t want to be bombed any more than the next person, but when one of our people are captured, we don’t “lay low” either.  We go in as one to get them.

Grant it, we finally got Warmbier home, but I would like to know exactly who brought him home and how long did they actually work on doing so?  I agree with Warmbier’s Dad, “North Korea does nothing out of the goodness of their hearts”.  With that being known, it had to be someone else who convinced them to let him go.  With North Korea doing nothing good at any time, that means someone had to be talking to them.  I want to know how many times they were talked to and I want to know the extent of the conversation.  I want to know when those conversations started and how long they lasted and in what form they were in?  Is this too nosey?  I don’t think so.  We are talking about a country that has repeatedly refused to adhere to our warnings to stop firing missiles and I know they got those warnings because the news was always so proud to report when they launched one and what our response was … which usually amounted to nothing more than a hand over our mouth while saying “oh no you didn’t”.  It was time to act then and it has been time to act for a while.  When do we take our country serious again?  When do we do like Toby Keith says and “fight when you rattle our cage”.

Shout out to Trump, you want to make “America Great Again”, start with North Korea and get your mind of the Russian Probe … “matter”.  Isn’t that what you want it to be called … a matter?  Well, get off the “matter” and start focusing on real President stuff.  Yes, I hope you are impeached at the end, but for now, you are all we have that can take care of North Korea.  Show us your muscle and quit talking about it.